Monday, 12/23/2024.
Recently, the stress has been overwhelming. I can’t discuss to anybody about it, so I’ve determined to start out writing — hoping it’d provide an escape from these horrible ideas that appear to devour me. I’m a Brazilian brown man in my early thirties, residing in Santa Catarina, a state within the southern a part of the nation.
I’m not legally married, however I stay with my associate, whose identify I choose to maintain protected. I’ve no want to reveal her, myself, or our toddler to the judgment of others, particularly relating to the darkish ideas that generally race via my thoughts.
I is perhaps coping with melancholy — or one thing related — however at the very least I’m conscious of it. I feel that’s higher than being blind to my very own struggles.
I’ve an ideal job, a beautiful associate, and a good-looking son. I even have my mom, brother, and father, with whom my relationship is… sophisticated. There’s additionally my sister-in-law, a gorgeous niece, and plenty of different members of the family. In some ways, I’ve all the things a person might should be completely happy. And but, right here I’m, burdened by this stress I can’t appear to shake.
After I determined to maneuver from Curitiba-PR Brazil to Itapoá-SC Brazil, I used to be stuffed with hopelessness. I had a horrible job, lived in a run-down neighborhood, and felt like my life was price nothing. I couldn’t see a method to maintain going via all these harmful emotions.
I don’t know if anybody can relate, however when issues appear to be getting on observe, I begin feeling so unhealthy — drained, monotonous, and anxious. There’s no rationalization for this. I needs to be completely happy and entire. Why do I typically really feel like that?
Right now, we’re gathered at my mom’s home, which is situated above mine. There may be my mom, father, brother, my spouse, son, sister-in-law, and niece.
All of them are laughing, having enjoyable, and chatting whereas I’m pretending to work on my laptop computer. The truth is, I’m — speaking about my emotions is a piece in progress.
Possibly on one other event, I’ll discuss extra about my previous and the issues that will have introduced me up to now. That might clarify many issues and extra.
I thank myself for having the center to open up about my emotions to others.
