Pricey Annie:
I’ve a really expensive pal who’s like household. I’m 20 years older than she is, and at occasions I really feel extra like a surrogate mom than an enormous sister.
I do know she has psychological well being issues, together with anger administration, belief points, obsessive-compulsive dysfunction and, at occasions, I feel, narcissistic tendencies. However she really is an effective individual at coronary heart. I inspired her to get into remedy, and he or she has blossomed and grown over this previous yr. I help her 100% in any means that I can.
She is a single mom who works two jobs. She has three boys, and they’re her world. My husband and I take the boys after faculty whereas she works her second job as a result of they’re like grandchildren to us.
The opposite day, I used to be on the brink of make Christmas cookies and thought I used to be shedding my thoughts. Two of the prepackaged cookie dough packages had been lacking. The boys noticed my bewilderment and knowledgeable me that their mother took them to make them cookies the earlier week.
Tonight, after I went to make the cookies for our home and church, I found that I’m lacking a cookie sheet. So, I’ve been pondering again, and plenty of issues have gone lacking, and I merely thought that I have to not have purchased what I assumed, or used all of one thing and never remembered. I’ve requested her earlier than about issues lacking or if she “unintentionally” picked one thing up, and he or she could be sincere and return it the subsequent day. Nothing of main worth by any means. Easy foolish issues like a candle or a pair of scissors or hand lotion.
Nicely, after the incident with the cookie dough, which actually upset me, I purchased a number of bottles of wine to offer as items, left them within the bag and taped a be aware on them: “Do Not Contact.” When she got here by after work to eat and get the boys, she noticed this and obtained upset and was personally offended. My husband says to let it’s as a result of we love these boys a lot and he or she’s doing so nicely. We will afford to switch the little issues.
I really feel that she and I ought to have a dialog, and I really feel her therapist ought to know.
To be sincere, I’m afraid this can find yourself like our son, who robbed us blind and lower ties with us as a result of we lastly needed to say sufficient was sufficient and file fees. I’m afraid the little issues will develop into bigger and the boys will assume this conduct is appropriate if we don’t cease it now. Please assist. — Caught in Maryland
Pricey Caught in Maryland:
You’re right to be involved to your pal — not due to what she is stealing however for the truth that she is stealing from you in any respect. It reveals a scarcity of belief. The truth that she took a little bit be aware and blew it means out of proportion tells me she is feeling responsible about one thing. As Shakespeare stated, “The girl doth protest an excessive amount of.”
If something, sitting down together with your pal and attempting to get her skilled assistance is the kindest factor. Ensure once you strategy her that it’s not with a “obtained ya” mentality however slightly one among concern for her psychological well being.
Annie Lane’s second anthology — “How Can I Forgive My Dishonest Companion?” that includes favourite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is accessible as a paperback and e-book. Go to http://www.creatorspublishing.com for extra data. Ship your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
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