DEAR ABBY: I’ve been considering loads currently about my old flame. The ideas come and go, which I do know is regular. Per week or so in the past, I stumbled upon her LinkedIn account, noticed her profile image and couldn’t assist however reminisce about all the great instances we had collectively 15 years in the past. I’m 35 now and have been in a relationship for seven years. She has been married for 10.
I’m not trying to rekindle a relationship. I simply really feel there was by no means official closure to our relationship, and I believe it has at all times affected my subsequent relationships. I really like my girlfriend and really feel responsible for feeling this fashion. I understand how it could have an effect on us if I have been to deliver it up, which is why I’m undecided how one can proceed.
Will the sensation go? Will I at all times really feel this fashion? Will I at all times look again at that old flame and assume she was the one I used to be meant to be with, and if one factor didn’t go the best way it did, would I be? Ought to I attain out and attempt to ask for closure? — REMINISCING IN VIRGINIA
DEAR REMINISCING: I don’t assume so. You and this lady have each moved on along with your lives. I see nothing optimistic to be gained by reaching again at this level, significantly since you realize it might negatively have an effect on your present relationship. Permit the previous to stay previously and let it go.
DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, “Chad,” and I’ve been collectively for 10 years. Now we have no youngsters collectively, however we’ve got been stepparents to one another’s youngsters because the starting of our relationship. Since we’ve got been collectively, we’ve got needed to cope with his relentless ex-wife, who’s had a number of relationships. We’ve additionally handled my ex-husband transferring out of the state and away from our daughter.
To say the least, we’ve put ourselves on the again burner coping with children and exes. Now we have additionally had well being issues leading to surgical procedures for Chad, my daughter and me. He has requested me to marry him solely when he’s popping out of surgical procedure — as soon as as he was popping out of anesthesia within the restoration room and one other time simply after we obtained house from one other surgical procedure.
Am I fallacious for not taking the “post-surgery proposals” significantly? Now we have not too long ago turn into grandparents, and I don’t need to harm him by saying no. I really feel like I want a totally lucid proposal. — WANTS IT FOR REAL IN UTAH
DEAR WANTS IT: You and Chad have 10 years invested on this relationship. If you want to be married to him, discuss with him and ask if he remembers proposing to you, which he has achieved twice. Inform him you would not in good conscience maintain him to a proposal that was made whereas he was below the affect of anesthesia or ache killers, however you’ll be open to it if he requested within the sober gentle of day. Then cross your fingers.
Pricey Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also referred to as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Pricey Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
