In immediately’s tradition of relentless optimism, phrases like “Keep constructive!” or “Simply be grateful!” are sometimes shared with one of the best intentions. However when positivity is compelled, it could actually dismiss legitimate feelings and depart folks remoted of their struggles.
I’ve heard far too many purchasers in counseling share that they really feel responsible for “feeling dangerous.” In our present social media-driven world stuffed with posts representing our “finest selves,” it’s comprehensible that many really feel dangerous about “feeling dangerous.” Take a look at these two eventualities under.
Two Situations of Problematic Positivity
Take Elise, a 29-year-old advertising and marketing supervisor who was a counseling consumer going by way of a breakup. When she confided in a good friend about her heartbreak, she was met with, “At the least you’re free to seek out somebody higher!” As a substitute of feeling supported, Elise felt dismissed. “I simply wanted somebody to pay attention,” she informed me later.
Take Ryan, a 40-year-old father grappling with job insecurity. After venting his anxieties to his household, they responded, “You’ll determine it out—you all the time do!” Whereas well-meaning, the remark made him really feel unheard and alone.
This phenomenon is known as poisonous positivity—the idea that constructive pondering is the one acceptable approach to course of life’s challenges. Whereas optimism has its place, denying or minimizing unfavorable emotions can do extra hurt than good.
Indicators of Poisonous Positivity
Minimizing Feelings: Saying issues like, “It might be worse,” as a substitute of acknowledging somebody’s ache.
Avoiding Troublesome Conversations: Skipping over uncomfortable matters to “hold the peace.”
Feeling Disgrace for Struggling: Believing that feeling unhappy, indignant, or anxious means you’ve failed.
Should you acknowledge these behaviors in your self or others, it’s time to rethink the way you strategy difficult feelings.
What You Can Do As a substitute
Validate Emotions:
As a substitute of providing a fast repair, pay attention and acknowledge feelings. When Elise shared her heartbreak, a greater response may have been, “That sounds painful. I’m right here for you.”
Steadiness Positivity with Realism
Ryan’s household may have stated, “It is a powerful time, however we consider in your potential to deal with it.” This strategy gives help with out glossing over struggles.
Apply Emotional Honesty
Should you’re the one struggling, allow your self to really feel. Journaling or talking with a trusted good friend may help course of feelings with out judgment.
Normalize the Full Spectrum of Feelings
Remind your self—and others—that feeling unhappy, indignant, or pissed off is a part of being human. True resilience comes from going through feelings, not suppressing them.
Ultimate Ideas
Life isn’t all the time sunshine and rainbows, and that’s okay. By rejecting poisonous positivity, you make area for genuine connections and extra profound emotional therapeutic.
The following time you or somebody you like struggles, do that: as a substitute of claiming, “Look on the brilliant facet,” ask, “How can I help you proper now?” Generally, one of the best ways to assist is to be there.
